HOPSCOTCH.

Okay people. My roommate wants a bearcat, which means we'll have to build some kind of fence in the backyard to keep it and the wallaby from eating each other. Because you know that would be, like, a weird animal massacre. And nobody wants that.

I had a point, let me show it to you. There have got to be a few of you out there who want a permanent message scrawled in to your body. Or some kind of sparkly metal plugged through a loose flap of skin. COME TO ME, LOVELY REINCARNATES. I will give you the hook up. In fact, a 10% discount goes to anyone who lets me carve their own headmate in to their flesh somewhere. Or their SO's or BFF's for whatevs. All the cool kids are doing it! You'll look fantastic, I'll get paid, the animals won't eat each other cause we could afford to build a fence, and EVERYBODY WINS.

So that was my shameless pandering for the day. Carry on!

Let's see if we can get everyone's mind off the weirdness. I have a question for all of you. That's right EVERYONE, this is a survey just for you!

If you could pick who you were reincarnated as, who would it be?

Like, personally, I'd go with Lando Calrissian. Getting to listen to the sultry sounds of Billy Dee Williams each and every day? Yes please.

DEFEAT. I have tasted it. Because my roommate has the hand/eye coordination of a motherfuckin' NINJA.

Massively unfair, this is. And I don't care what she says, it is not cheating to pelt someone with popcorn because they decide to set up fucking camp and pick your ass off with a sniper rifle. The popcorn pelting isn't that effective, though. It kind of distracts you both. But it made me feel better about myself.

Which is what counts, amiright?

Oh snap! Look at how slow I am. Totally meant to do this introduction shit before now, but I got distracted. Trust me, it doesn't take much, and I just so happened to unearth a Bedazzler from the darkest depths of my closet. Apologies in advance for the curtains, Amber...

Right. I'm Lizzy McBride, for those of you who are sadly uninformed. About me: I'm 22, I poke people with needles for a living, and I'm the reincarnate of Emily. Which is vague, so I'll elaborate. She's the bride from the Corpse Bride. So, yeah, technically walking around with a dead chick here. Not all bad, though. She's pretty nice for someone who got offed by a greedy asshole.

If there's something else you want to know, I guess you'll just have to ask. I know, what a fucking chore. Come on. Get up off your ass, twitch those little fingers of yours, and say hi to the new girl. You know you wanna!

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